Post by universalexports on Jul 11, 2013 17:40:59 GMT -8
SORRY BUT I NEED TO VENT!!! Well, I have a 21 year old stepson, that Was the sweetest child, however when he turned 18, he fliped a switch or something. he just took off, alienated his entire family, lived here and there etc. then he came back home (only option for him, no where to go and no job), he decided he was gay, and is manic depressive or something. me and the wife have welcomed him back with open arms, and have been nothing but supportive with him, he has admitted to abusing drugs, drinking, pot etc. and he is just lost, however,,, we have already caught him stealing from us more than once.
he also smokes, and is home alone alot. well when putting the seats in my camper I noticed, 2 burned spots on the piece of wood that the slats sit on for a bed, that is right below the seats. when he was younger he also sit a few things on fire, (including the dog bed on the porch),
I know for a fact the burn spots were not there, I built that whole piece from scratch, and posted pics on here.
I am willing to help him in any way I can, but blatant destruction of my property (specially my Shasta) will not be tolerated, I will throw him out on his ear.
luckily for him he presently is with his big brother who is helping him move his stuff back from Pennsylvania . so when he gets home we are gonna have a talk.
in this pic I posted, if you look below the seat about an inch you can see one of the black burnt spots, and the other one is to the left about 4 inches and lighter. right now my head is just smokin!
Well, this makes me feel a bit better about my 24-yr old. I left him in charge of the house for a week while I took my mom on vacation, and when I got back, couldn't see the kitchen counters because they were piled high with multiple layers of dirty dishes and food packaging. His room looks like a bomb went off in a pile of clothes. I'm ready to strangle him - but he does have a job at least and doesn't DARE touch my trailers!
Why would your stepson damage something he knew you loved? I'm not sure what message that is sending but it's not good. He is lucky you have been patient so far...
Post by universalexports on Jul 11, 2013 18:16:32 GMT -8
I have thought long and hard as to why he done it, all I can come up with is jealousy/bordum. I have something nice that I appreciate and he has nothing. he has the typical teenager outlook, and thinks he is smarter now that we will ever be, he knows it all. however he has NOTHING, and has not accomplished anything in life, and like a typical teen feels he has been screwed by everyone and he DESERVES more. he doesnt understand it took me 23 years in the military to get to where I am and have what I have.
I will offer no advice, We have a daughter that put us through hell for about 15 years. She was a perfect daughter till she turned 19 then she became about 13 in her thinking and stayed that way till she was forty then she grew up and is a wonderful daughter again. We heard all kinds of suggestions and what "I" would do, but until you experience it you have no idea what this is like. As the old saying goes God be willing and the creek don't rise you will live through it. I will keep your family in my prayers.
The human brain isn't finished until about age 27. All the typical adolescent behaviors show up with varying frequency all the way through the mid 20s. Where it gets difficult is trying to figure out which behaviors result from that biologic immaturity, which from habit, and which from genetic predisposition (risk taking behaviors) and the appropriate ways to deal with each.
Sometimes I wonder how we make it through our children's long, long adolescent years without feeling like kicking them off the planet. Hamlet's people are behind you, universal!
I will say one thing DON"T let him cause problems between you and your wife, and that can be tough.
good advise, and luckily the wife is right there with me, she is ready to hold him while I kick him. and when he gets home she wants to be the one to confront him, thats probably a good thing, because I might just to snap!
You have 23 years of experience that should of taught you how to keep your cool and if you lose it then he will have brought you down to his level and he will be in control. You are older and much smarter with way more of life's lessons just use it.
Post by gonekayaking on Jul 11, 2013 20:02:34 GMT -8
oh hell, mine is only 15 and while most of the time I love his crazy silliness, sometimes I could just tear my hair out at the stupid stuff he does. So I guess I will inhale love exhale forgiveness a while longer....how long BigBill.... 20 yrs? egads, I hope I'm luckier than that.
I know how you feel man my daughter was handful at that age, make along story short lent her my 5 person tent payed 150 for told her no smoking in the tent got it back with three burn holes in it. I was just like you but my wife kepted me from going crazy with her. My advice lock that trailer bud, good luck
So sorry to hear this Universal. These may be warning signs of drug use or just "not caring". Please stay very aware. Confronting an adult kid with *why* usually doesn't work. I hesitate to say more, but just be careful.
Post by hoosierpoet on Jul 12, 2013 3:56:22 GMT -8
The "not caring" is the scary part. Just remember, you can't ever take back words said in anger. Set boundaries - lay down the law - "tough love" is definitely needed! Just don't let him ever doubt that he is still loved.
Gonekayaking Things they do to upset you when they are 15 are mostly normal. Things that they do in their twenties and thirties can be beyond imagination for a sane sensible person. When drugs, sex, and other things enter the picture it can become a whole new ballgame. Even though they are adults, the question you have to ask yourself is Can I live with myself if they turn up dead in a street gutter, then after you answer that you have to do what you fell is best and no else can answer that for you. Most parents never have to go through this with their children. Also it is not how the child is raised in most cases, When a family has half a dozen kids and the all turn out fine but one I don't think it is how they were raised.
Post by lovnvintage on Jul 12, 2013 6:02:58 GMT -8
Aw this is why I say I will take them being toddlers any day to the 20's. My son finally got it together around 27, there is hope, and finally a hard working well adjusted young man. He finally realized no matter what he was not "entitled" to whatever he wanted he had to work for it. I think it is the majority of that generation that think they are owed most things in life. Thankfully my girls aren't as bad so far at 22 and 25.